All parents want to have an open and positive relationship with their children so that they trust them and talk about all their troubles.
However, sometimes adults try to control all the actions of their children to protect them from potential dangers. In particular, they can read their children’s correspondence, but in this way, they only lose the child’s trust.
Psychologist Tasya Osadcha told Osvitoria about how to build a relationship based on trust with a child and why it is necessary.”It is also important for a mother or other significant adult to show her own feelings and emotions: to laugh when she is having fun and to be sad when she is bad. Yes, a child will learn to trust not only others but himself: to believe his own eyes and feelings.” Said Osadcha.
Parent-child relationships should be built on trust as they share their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. But trust has its limits: telling a mother that she is sad and how she feels is good, but the door to her parents’ bedroom should be kept closed. In addition, if the child has his own room, he should always knock before entering, and if the child does not want to let his parents into his room, it is his right, because it is his personal boundaries.
How to build a relationship based on trust
According to the psychologist, learning to trust a child and make her trust her parents is a long way. What to do to build a relationship?
Honest parents speak sincerely about their feelings. “If dad or mom gets angry, they should tell about it and explain why. With sincere parents, a child can learn to be honest herself,” says Tasia Osadcha.
Accept the child as he is
To trust parents, a child must know that all his emotions are important and not be afraid to share them with adults. The child should feel loved even in dirty clothes and with sand in his head, and in adolescence – with a broken heart and bad grades.
Build clear boundaries
Clear boundaries will help the child to exercise his or her freedom and relieve some of the parent’s anxiety. A small child needs to know from which shelves he can take things and from which he cannot, and the teenager needs to know when to return home and why. These boundaries must be specific and unambiguous. It cannot be that something is allowed today and punished tomorrow.
Communicate with the child
Parents are sometimes surprised that the child to the question “How was your day?” answers simply “OK”. In this case, parents should look at themselves. Do your children know what you do and how your days go? If not, you need to start with yourself and talk about your day every day, because that’s the only way children will learn to do the same.
Take the child’s experience seriously
“For example, a toy was taken from a child and it comes to the parents in tears. They do not react to it because the problem seems unreal to them. Yes, at 35 it is not a problem, but at 5 it is a real catastrophe,” said the psychologist.
Therefore, the child’s experiences should be taken seriously, not devalued and, if necessary, help to find a way out of the situation.