Psychology professor Jack Schaefer worked for many years as a special agent for the FBI and taught other agents techniques of influence and persuasion that are sometimes unthinkable without personal charm.
According to him, there is a golden rule, using which you can accommodate anyone. And it sounds like this: “Make the interlocutor like yourself.”
6 facts about how to enchant anyone according to the methods of special services
Make a mistake
When Jack Schaefer starts lecturing in a new stream, he inadvertently makes a mistake in pronouncing a word and allows students to correct themselves. “I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their attention, and correct the mistake,” says Jack. He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals. First, when students correct a teacher’s mistake, it allows them to feel more confident. Second, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Third, they allow themselves to be wrong. This technique can be used to attract anyone. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, and allow people to correct themselves. And they will be located to you.
Talk to people about themselves
We are very busy with ourselves and have very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them. “You’ll make more friends in two months if you show genuine interest in people than in two years of trying to interest them.” (Dale Carnegie) “When people talk about themselves, no matter in a personal conversation or on social media, the same pleasure centers in the brain are triggered as from delicious food or money.” (Robert Lee Holtz). These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their affairs in order to win their affection. Take an interest in their family, biography, children, their opinion on a particular issue, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is provided to you.
Make a compliment from a third person
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to accept them or feel discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a compliment from a third party. It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities, it is possible and personal. For example: “Anna Ivanovna, the head of the personnel department still remembers the onion pies that you brought for your birthday.”
Don’t forget to sympathize
Everyone is pleased to know that they listen carefully and share their emotions with her. Of course, if a person starts talking about the fact that she had a hard day, you should not moan: “What a horror, oh you, poor thing!” Especially if it’s your boss. The usual statement like: “Yes, you had a difficult day today is quite appropriate. Who does not happen! “If a person says that he managed to cope with a difficult case, we can summarize as follows:” It seems that today you are doing great. This is great!” We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. However, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive repetition as something unnatural.
Ask for a service
The famous words of Benjamin Franklin: “He who once did you well will be more willing to help you again than the one you helped yourself.” This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who gives kindness to another person grows up in his own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, it is better not to do her a favor, but to ask for the service herself. Of course, requests for help should not be abused. As the same Franklin wittily remarked: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell bad on the third day.” The same can be said for people who ask for service too often.
Make the person praise himself
There is a very fine line between the usual compliment and flattery, so it is better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “In order to close this project, I worked day and night.” Here we can say: “Yes, it takes iron will.” It is almost guaranteed that the interlocutor will answer something like: “Yes, I had to try to submit the project on time. Of course, I did a great job. You can’t say anything here. ” The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.