Of course, from time to time we quarrel with our children, and this is quite normal because conflicts are inevitable. However, it is important to quarrel wisely and never say offensive things that will stay in the child’s memory for a long time.
With age, the relationship with the child can deteriorate completely, because children grow up and want to have more freedom and learn to defend their independence. However, differences between children and parents should not turn into aggression and resentment, so control the words you say during negative emotions because you are an example for your child.
Here are 9 things you can’t tell a child under any circumstances.
Non-normative vocabulary is taboo. Even if your teen allows himself to use a strong word, don’t answer the same. After all, you are an adult, and your main task is to calmly teach a child how to behave. If you start using profanity during an argument, the child will follow your example.
The quarrel should be a constructive expression of your real feelings and problems with further work on their solution. Labels and insults are not just upsetting or annoying. The worst thing is that they are not forgotten. These words are etched in the memory and can greatly affect a person’s self-esteem (as you know, not in the best way).
“It would be better if you weren’t born”
Such words can be the most failed response to a child’s phrase, “I did not ask to be born.”Questioning a child’s right to life is the worst thing you can do. God forbid, the child really doubts that it is worth living – imagine how you will then blame yourself for the said stupidity.
“You are a mistake” “You ruined my life”
Even during the strongest quarrel, such offensive things should not be said. Parents need to remember that they have decided to have a baby on their own. Therefore, you should not shift the responsibility for your failures on the shoulders of a small person.
“Why aren’t you a child-like…”
Comparisons with other children are another big mistake many parents make. Your child is unique, and she is just trying to find herself. She is what she is, and asking her to be someone else is the same as saying, “You’re bad, there are better people, and I like them better than you.” Nice to hear that from mom and dad? Apparently not.
“I do not love you”
You should not say such phrases during a quarrel, wanting to punish a little brawler. You may be very angry about your child’s actions or behavior, and under the influence of emotions, it seems to you that this phrase will only contribute to upbringing. But these are not only offensive but also dangerous words that create a huge gap between you. Believe me, the child will not soon truly believe in your sincere love and will doubt it.
Listening is much harder and more important than speaking. First, the reason for the dispute is likely to be difficulties in understanding, so if you confirm that you do not want to listen and hear your child, it will only exacerbate the problem.
“I’m leaving you and I won’t be back” “I’ll leave you here”
Your child always needs you, even if she says otherwise. Never give children a reason to feel abandoned. If you need to go out to breathe and calm down, do it. But do not demonstratively take the keys and the bag, showing that you are going to leave for a long time. Tell the truth: “I will now, in a couple of minutes.” And be sure to keep your word.
Never kick a child out of the house – a safe haven. This is especially true for parents of adolescents. Spoken words can seriously harm a child and offend his feelings.
Keeping calm in the midst of a quarrel is a skill that requires patience, a lot of self-discipline, and self-control. But you, as parents, by default bear this responsibility because you took it on when you started your own family. Be a wise adult and keep all bad phrases to yourself.